


burdens and broad shoulders

by silentlybelieve



Series: i am your (girl) friend [2]
Category: GFriend (Band), SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-12
Updated: 2016-10-12
Packaged: 2018-08-22 02:02:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8268535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silentlybelieve/pseuds/silentlybelieve
Summary: being a leader comes with lots of burden and responsibilities; only those with broad shoulders can manage to withstand it all.





	

A comeback for an idol group means work. Lots and lots of work. Sweat, tears, harsh words from higher officials. Along with it comes the stress, the burden that the new album has to be better than the last, the worry that maybe the fans won't enjoy it.

However, a comeback is also a blessing. 116 kpop groups debuted in the year of 2015. Thankfully, Gfriend managed to survive in the storm. There was a lot that Sojung was thankful for. She was thankful for her members who listened to her well, she was thankful for the company for giving them opportunity after opportunity, and most importantly, she was thankful for the fans who continued to support them.

She took each day with a heart full of thanks as their debut was not an easy one. Originally planned to debut in 2014, the girls' dreams were crushed over and over again as a member left followed quickly by another. 'Glass Bead' was practiced for seven months before the six girls were finally able to perform it on stage.

Perhaps that's why Sojung doesn't mind the craziness that comes along with a comeback. Even now when backstage is a mess. Stylists hurrying to fix up that one stubborn thread, their manager trying to calm the nervous members down, her members all taking deep breaths because even if this is their third comeback, it doesn't change the fact that they find every single opportunity on stage thankful. Because they could have ended up like the 100 other idol groups that debuted in the same year: practicing in the basement of their company building and praying for a comeback.

"Gfriend, you are on in 15."

Looking left and right, Sojung tries her best to do her job. Make sure little Eunbi's shoulder isn't acting out again, make sure Yewon has actually eaten and is not lying again, make sure Yerin isn't doubting herself again. After all this, she has no time to care for herself, but that's just what happens when one burdens the responsibility of leader.

She hasn't eaten herself, there's a button on her shorts that has been bothering her for a while, but she's been too busy to even realize it. It's only when her manager forces her to sit down and take a bite out of the sandwich their fans have prepared for them, does she realize how she has been abandoning her own well being.

"Sojung-ah. You know you don't have to be Wonder Woman. You're allowed to breathe. And maybe actually eat something."

His words are supposed to be comforting, but they scare her instead. There are beads of sweat on her forehead already, and she can feel her hands shaking as she takes slow bites into the sandwich. Not certain if the food is even being digested properly, she continues to look around the room, checking up on the members.

Suddenly there's a knock on the door. In through the door rushed in a boy. And another. And about eleven others.

They should be used to this by now. Exchanging CDs, the generic greetings and the soulless good luck messages. However, she's still a nervous wreck, and it takes a poke from her manager to get her legs to regain power and stand up, walking over to the fellow rookie group.

"Say the name! Hello, we are Seventeen!"

"Hello, we are Gfriend!"

Sojung steps forward with their album and hands it over to the other leader, offering him a polite smile. At this point, she wishes they would leave, but Seungkwan has decided to start singing to their song, and like a robot she lets out a forced laugh.

Leader intuition is what she likes to call is, and it seems that she isn't the only one with it. "Good luck on your comeback stage! We'll be cheering on from the back." And with that, their leader urges them out, giving them one last thumbs up and a bow.

“Gfriend, you’re on in 5!”

One last deep breath, and it’s showtime.

 

\------------

 

She was an absolute fool.

She had one job, literally, and that was to sing her line perfectly, and she managed to mess that up.

As if he could read her mind, the director calls for a short break. Quickly, staff members rush to fix the girls’ makeup, outfits, and anything else that might prevent them from looking perfect. Sojung, however, excuses herself, lightly swatting away the hands that have rushed over to her and asks her manager for a thousand won so she could buy a drink from the vending machine. Perhaps it’s because he sees how down she looks, but he asks no questions, letting her leave.

Standing in front of the vending machine, she can’t help but feel even more pathetic. One line. All she had was one line, and she managed to mess it up. Ever since she was appointed as leader, she had refused to appear weak which translated to no tears. But nobody was around, and she couldn’t help but let herself feel vulnerable. She could feel the tears starting to build up, and so she quickly inserted her bill into the machine.

However, the whole world seemed to be against her today because instead of giving her the option of picking a drink, the machine instead swallows up her money and then freezes. A few moments later, and it’s asking for another one. This was the last push she needed, and soon the female is crouching on the ground, the only sound being her shortened breath and the tears falling onto the ground.

She gives the machine a good kick, trying her best not to scream at how the world was so unfair and obviously acting against her today. Internally she was yelling, thrashing her arms around, but she was still a public figure and while the hallways were practically empty, there were still a few people around. There was the burden of always having to carry an image.

“Are you okay? I have another thousand won if you need it.”

The voice catches her by surprise, and she’s feeling awfully too embarrassed to really look up to see who is talking to her, and so she just nods slowly, hoping they understands.

 

\---------

 

Her saving grace ends up coming in the form of Choi Seungcheol (“Nobody calls me S.Coups behind the cameras, not even my members, so please don’t.”), a fellow leader, but somebody she cannot find herself relating to.

Unlike her, he actually had talent.

Giving him a weak smile, she takes the soft drink he had ended up buying for her, cracking it open with a loud sigh. The last thing she really wanted at the moment was company, but it didn’t seem like he was going to leave anytime soon, so she decided to suck it up and deal with it. Like she did with everything.

“Your song has been out a day, and it’s already gotten a perfect all-kill. How does that feel?” A light chuckle escapes his lips before he takes a sip of his own drink, tilting his head to one side to face her. He was trying to make her feel better, and she appreciated it, she really did, but it only made her feel even more guilty.

“Do you want my honest answer or the one that the company made me memorize?” Her voice is a little sharper than usual, and usually she’s not like this. Usually Sojung is prim and proper, just like she was trained to be. The company tells her that everything she says and does represents the group; the burden that came with her position was not something she signed up for. Too bad nobody realized that it was all too much responsibility for a 22 year-old.

She doesn’t wait for an answer to continue. “It’s great. It really is. But at the same time it fucking sucks,” and she stops herself upon realizing her language but only continues when she hears him slightly laugh. “I didn’t contribute anything to that perfect all-kill. I sing like ten seconds at the most in a three minute song. I can’t even dance, can’t rap, can’t sing. All I know how to do is be tall and stand in the background as I watch my members, my talented members, soak up their well-deserved spotlight.”

This was the truth that she’s never had the heart to tell anyone. Not even her own mother. But it’s oddly easy with him. Perhaps it was because she was hoping he would understand her. Same age, same position. The burden is probably there, but she lowers her head when she realizes that they’re actually not in the same position.

“Probably hard to understand, right? I mean you actually know how to do something. And you’re good at it too. Meanwhile, I feel like I’m bringing this group down. It’s like people don’t think I read all the comments, but I do. I know I’m bad. I know it more than anybody else, and I really don’t need anybody else telling me how bad I am because I’m working my butt off in order to not be a deadweight to this group, but-“ she realizes she’s rambling, and she only stops herself when she feels herself choking up. Feeling the tears coming once more, she simply chugs down her drink, hoping that it was a little more bitter and intoxicating.

“Sorry. I have this habit of exploding once in awhile.” False. She rarely exploded, especially not to a complete stranger, but she felt like she had to explain herself.

“No need to apologize. It happens to all of us. I know I need to let it out sometimes too.” She looks over at him, brows furrowed and lips pursed because she doesn’t believe him. He’s just trying to make her feel better, but it makes her slightly smile anyway, and that seems to be just enough at the moment.

“Unnie!” They’re interrupted by the sound of impending footsteps that stop in front of them. Sojung looks up to see Eunbi, both of them, holding hands with beads of sweat on their forehead. Something tells her that they’ve been looking for her, and the feelings of guilt are back once more.

It’s obvious that they’re taken aback by her company, and she decides to save everybody from the awkward situation. “I guess I’m needed again. Go figure.” Slowly getting up, she steps down the stairs and back to her members. Turning around, she gives her newly made friend a smile and mouths a silent ‘thank you’.

His smile back is the last reassurance she needs.

 

\---------------

 

Really, she should be used to this by now. Waking up early in the morning, heading out for makeup, the rehearsals, the pre-recordings. It’s been a year, and Sojung still feels like an amateur, and it fucking sucks. The flashes of the cameras still hurt her eyes (even more with her condition), and the loud screams from both fans and simply commoners sound like screeches. One year, but this is already their fourth album, and she can tell that it’s slowly starting to kill the members. 

Sometimes she wishes that she was the injured one. That way, the only thing she needed to worry about was herself. It was just the beginning of promotions, but she could tell that her members’ bodies were already deteriorating. The waiting room was dead silent, something that rarely happens, and it only deepens her worry lines. 

This time, she doesn’t even excuse herself as she’s positive her manager wouldn’t mind her taking a little time to herself. With her head down, she retraces her steps back to where they led her last week when she had her mini meltdown, hoping that the vending machine won’t be a little bitch to her today.

Greeting her there, however, is the same friend she coincidentally happened to make last week. He spots her first and waves, and she gives him a friendly wave back.

“I figured you would come back.”

“Really? And why’s that?”

“Because you owe me a drink.”

Letting out a scoff, she slowly nodded as she stepped in front of the vending machine. “I guess so.” 

 

\----------

 

"Last week of promotions, right?"

Taking a sip from his drink, Seungcheol slowly nods his head. "Yup. And you're nominated for first place once again your second week of promotions. Amazing. How do you do it?"

The question takes her by surprise because it's the first time anybody's ever asked her. Nobody asks her how she feels. Nobody asks her how she does her job. Nobody.

Her head sinks a little lower as her shoulders move up and down, a slight chuckle leaving her lips. An answer doesn't come quickly because she's never thought about this before. Was there anything that she actually did to contribute to their success?

"I don't know mainly because I don't really do anything. You've got Yuna and big Eunbi's vocals, Yerin's variety skills, little Eunbi's dancing skills, Yewon's bubbly cuteness, and then you have me. The tall, skinny girl in the back that looks awkward no matter what she does. So how do I do it? I don't do anything. Absolutely nothing."

She's pathetic. That's probably what he's thinking right now, but she can't help it when that's all she's feeling right now. Her main goal when she was appointed leader was to make sure that she did nothing to bring the team down, but that's what she's been doing all along.

The sudden feeling upon her shoulder causes her to jump up, and she's met with an expression that's as shocked as her's.

"Sorry. Force of habit," he explains as he slowly lowers his arm, having it awkwardly hang between their two bodies. "But Sojung-ah, you know that's not true, right? I mean, the other members probably wouldn't even be recognized without your support. Look, I'm a leader myself. I've gone through the same emotions. Feelings of worthlessness, helplessness, and simply feeling like you're worth nothing. But I also realized that they were all false. Your members need you, and while they may not exactly express it, they're all thankful towards you and everything you do for the group."

With the purse of her lips, she turns her head towards the male. "I wish I could believe you, Seungcheol-ah."

 

\---------

 

A day doesn't go by where Sojung silently wishes she could get at least three hours of sleep. They are being driven here and there, all around the country, and she can tell that her members are slowly getting tired. Their ambitious attitudes are still there, but their bodies refuse to listen to them. Yewon continues to complain about a pain in her leg but refuses to take a break, and little Eunbi is stubborn as ever about taking a day off in order for her arm to get the rest it needs. On top of all that, Sojung can feel herself getting lightheaded but of course, nobody knows about this except herself.

And Seungcheol. Numbers were exchanged on the staircase a few weeks ago, and he hasn't failed to check up on her almost daily. It began with a selca of him suddenly with blond hair that has her chuckling silently in the front seat of the van, trying her best not to get caught by her manager.

Other than Nayeon, she hasn't been able to make any celebrity friends, so it was nice to know that somebody was always caring for her. Even if it was at odd times because he was always in some other country. A genuine friendship was as hard as finding a needle in a haystack in the entertainment industry, and she was feeling blessed; a feeling that she hadn't felt in quite a while.

 

\---------

 

"What are you smiling at?"

Eyes widened in shock, Sojung looks up at her friend with a secretive smile on her face. "Nothing, it's nothing, Nayeon-ah."

Her friend's eyebrows are furrowed as she raises a single brow, sipping on her smoothie through her straw; a look that is just screaming "I don't believe you!", but knowing Nayeon, she wouldn't bother her too much about the issue. Not until Sojung feels comfortable telling her herself.

"Well, you're looking a lot more relaxed these days, did you know that? And it makes me so glad because honestly, Sojung-ah, you really need to cut yourself a break sometimes."

Bringing a hand up to rub her forehead, she lets out a groan before frowning at the female in front of her. "Why does everybody tell me that?"

"Because it's the truth."

A comfortable silence passes through the room with the only sounds being the breaths of the two females. In reality, she hasn't been feeling all that better. Even after Seungcheol's daily texts that remind her that she's doing a great job, she still can't bring herself to tell her those same words. Even after Nayeon's encouraging words whenever she calls in the middle of the night, crying because she feels like she hasn't done enough for the girls.

Sojung can't tell when she has started crying, but the hot tears start dropping one by one onto her legs, and she can't help but feel embarrassed. When has she become this weak?

Her thoughts must have escaped her lips unknowingly because soon, there's a warm arm wrapped around her, followed by another soon. The other's hug is tight yet gentle at the same time; it's exactly what she needed.

"You're not weak. I've never met a stronger person. Just know this: you're not supposed to be their mothers, you know. You're their leader which means yes, you guide them when they're going in the wrong direction and correct them when they're incorrect, but that doesn't mean you have to watch every little one of their steps to make sure that they're perfect. That's not our position. You're free to take some time for yourself. You're allowed to still be you, Sojung-ah."

She's heard all these words before, and yet, her heart still refuses to believe them.

 

\--------

 

Lying on bed, Seungcheol rolls onto his stomach, staring at his phone. Mingyu was long fast asleep, and he was in deep thought. It has been a couple of weeks since his last encounter with Sojung, but he hasn’t heard from her since. Maybe she was doing well? Or maybe she was just too busy? Her group was practically everywhere these days.

He hated to admit it, but he sort of missed her. Other than Monsta X, where nobody was the same age as him, Sojung was his first friend in the industry, and he missed that. He missed having someone to connect with.

And so he makes the first move and calls her up.

“Hello?”

Even that single greeting showed him how tired she was. Her voice was slightly gone, and he could imagine her face as she picked up the phone. Exhausted. She was completely exhausted.

“Sorry, did I bother you?” 

There’s some chaos in the background followed by a few giggles. He can also hear her commands even though she’s clearly covered the phone, and he can’t help but chuckle because he would have done the same.

“I’m sorry. The girls were running around and just causing a mess.” He can hear the door closing, and he assumes that she’s gone into her room. “But no, I’m not busy. We just got back from Music Bank and thankfully, we had no extra schedules. Sorry about not calling you earlier. I’ve just been so busy and-“

“It’s fine, Sojung. You’re fine. You don’t have to apologize for anything.” Seungcheol doesn’t remember when he’s become the one telling someone else to relax because it had always been the other way around.

He was always the one running around, worrying about everything, but it seems the tables have turned. Or more so that he’s met someone who is even more of a mess than he is.

“You don’t understand. I’m not fine. Nobody is fine. Yuna can’t use one of her arms at all right now, and she’s so frustrated over that and being her stubborn self, she refuses to ask for help. And then Yewon is currently sick in bed with a fever, and I told her that she should rest and possibly take the rest of the week off, but she’s so greedy for the stage and performing that she insists she’s fine despite her looking like a complete mess. And then there’s little Eunbi whose shoulder is still being a little bitch, and she looks like she’s about to cry any moment whenever we’re on stage. Why doesn’t anybody listen to me, Seungcheol-ah?”

He can hear her rapid breathing from across the phone, and he waits until she relaxes before talking, but she beats him to it. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I always do this to you, don’t I? God.”

“Sojung-ah!” It comes out a little rougher than he would like it, but that finally gets her listening. “Stop apologizing. I called first because I was curious and worried. You’re not a bother at all, and you really need to stop apologizing for things you have no fault over.”

“My life is so broken right now.”

“You don’t have to fix everything, Sojung-ah.”

“I know. I know. But I can’t help it.”

There’s a few sniffles, and then she starts crying, and he stays on the line until she calms down because he understands. 

He understands all too well.

 

\-------

 

This was one of the few nights that the girls truly had to themselves. Yewon had fallen asleep, complaining about a headache as well as a pain in her leg. Little Eunbi was taken, or more like forced out, to the hospital to get her shoulder checked out. Yerin decided to spend the night at her parent’s as they lived not too far away. That left Yuna, older Eunbi, and herself.

The one thing that nobody taught her about being a leader was ‘how to open up to your members’. She’s trained on how to be there for everybody, make sure all is running smoothly, and to be the support that her members need. But who was there to listen to her? Who was there to comfort her when she needed it?

Her members were more observant than she would have liked because the two younger members have sat her down at the kitchen table after sneaking in a box of chicken. 

“I’m concerned, no, we’re all concerned, unnie,” Eunbi begins as she rubs her fingers on the table, obviously nervous to be beginning the conversation.

“What are you talking about-” But before she can finish, she’s quickly interrupted. 

“Stop pretending everything is okay, unnie. Because we can tell. We can tell that you’ve been stressed and overwhelmed by everything. You’re not a very good liar, unnie.” 

Yuna had always been the most observant, knowing exactly what the members needed when. While that may be a blessing for the other members, Sojung silently wished that everybody would just leave her to deal with her problems on her own.

“It’s just… It’s been hard on me as well these days. You guys are all getting sick or hurt, and it feels like I let you guys down. That maybe if I had been careful and closed the windows at night then Yewon wouldn’t be so ill. If maybe I had been watching after little Eunbi more often, then I would have realized that her shoulder was going to pop out again. I just feel like everything could have been prevented if only I had been paying more attention to you guys.” 

When she was appointed leader, she was also appointed the burden and responsibility that came with it. That included being the strong one, the one made of steel, the one that never broke down. But that wasn’t how she’s lived her life so far, and the sudden transition wasn’t easy. It still isn’t.

“Unnie, you know there’s nothing you could have done to prevent all of that,” spoke up Yuna as she brought a hand to rest on the older female’s shoulder, slightly squeezing it in assurance. 

“Yuna’s right. You don’t have to feel responsible for all of us. We’re all grown up as well. Our bodies are our responsibilities, not your’s. You don’t have to feel that everything going wrong is your fault or problem. It’s not.” 

The same words that she’s heard over and over again, but it felt a little different coming from her own members. 

“But if I don’t hold that responsibility then what do I even contribute to this group?” Her eyes are filled with tears at this point that even when she brings her head up, her vision is blurred, and she can barely trace the girls’ figures. “I feel like if I can’t even be a perfect leader then I’m completely useless in this group. Being responsible for all of you and making sure you guys are doing fine is the least I can do. I’m not good at anything else.”

The concerns that have been filling her mind since forever have finally been set out on the table for her other members to hear, and while it was refreshing, she was still uncertain at the same time. All throughout the talk, she still felt as if she was unnecessarily worrying the younger members. 

 

\-------

 

It’s 2AM. The girls, minus Yewon and Yerin, are gathered around the television in the living room because there’s a Harry Potter marathon. They ask her to join, but she simply tells them ‘maybe next time’, and they realize that’s cue for ‘I just need some time on my own’. 

Crawling into bed, she contemplates on whether she should just go to sleep or maybe monitor a few more stages to tell the girls what they could work on. But then another idea pops into mind.

She grabs her phone and sits up on her bed, pulling the covers a little closer for some reason before she presses ‘call’ on an all too familiar name now.

“Hello?”

“Hey. Am I bothering you?” There’s loud noises in the background, so she’s not even sure if he can hear her, but she takes it as a ‘yes’ when it all comes to a silence.

“You’re never a bother, Sojung. Still not sleeping?”

“No. The girls are outside watching a movie marathon-“

“Sojung-ah, have you ever realized that you always respond first with what your members are doing instead of yourself? No offense to your members, but I don’t really care what they’re currently doing. What are you doing?”

A smile sneaks its way onto her face as she slouches a little into the comforts of her bed, feeling a little better. He seemed to have that power on her. “Nothing. I’m literally doing nothing. Just in bed talking to you. What were you doing? There was a loud of noise when you first picked up so I assumed you were at a club or something.”

That earns her a laugh from him, and she can’t help but laugh along. “I’m a little hurt you would assume that. I was in the studio working on the hip hop version of one of the songs. Jihoon got tired and went home so I decided to take over, but I’ll be completely honest, I’m too scared to touch anything without Jihoon around so I was just writing some lyrics to his beat.”

There’s a comfortable silence in between them for a while with the only sound being their breaths. For the first time in a while, her breathing is normal and relaxed. Some sort of confidence builds in her as she breaks the silence.

“So you’re not busy right now?”

“Not particularly, why?”

“Can you come out?”

 

\--------

 

She asks him to meet at Han River.

All the other times that she’s been here, she had come with her members for either some early morning jogging or to escape from practice. They would each purchase a cup ramen from the nearby convenience store and hurriedly eat it because they knew that had, at the most, 15 minutes before they were caught.

With both a hat and hoodie on, she walks around, feeling idiotic because there’s really not that many people around, and those who are either don’t care about her or are too drunk to even realize she’s a person.

From across the bridge, she spots someone who looks almost as ridiculous as she does, and she gives him a friendly wave before jogging over to him. “Do you realize that we both look like we’re about to rob a place?”

He looks at her and then thinks of his own appearance and laughs, a hand coming up to cover his face that has turned red from all the laughter. “Well, if we do get caught, let’s just say that was our plan instead. I’m sure fans will like us better if we were criminals over lovers.”

She raises a brow at his statement but soon realizes that it’s the complete truth. Criminal idols seemed to have it easier than the ones who date. “Before we go commit a crime, let’s go get some chicken instead, hmm? What do you say?”

Seungcheol nods before slinging an arm casually around her shoulder. “Only if you pay, Miss 15 consecutive wins.”

“Jerk. You make a lot more money than I do with all your compositions and lyrics.”  
“Tch, that’s a lie. I would be making a lot more right now if our songs were streamed as much as your’s.”

The chicken arrives ten minutes later, and he’s already ran and came back with the beer. While she gets her card out to pay for the chicken, he’s already swiped his own. A tiny smile creeps its way across her face because for the first time in a while, she’s starting to feel like she’s actually living. 

“For our groups,” she suggests, raising her can up.

“How about just for ourselves: for humans Choi Seungcheol and Kim Sojung,” he replies, clinking his own beer can with her own.

 

\----------

 

The night is beautiful with the full moon out and shining, almost as if it’s blessing the humans beneath it. There is a slight breeze that blows through her hair, but it’s not strong to the point where it tangles it. Everybody has gone home, leaving only the two of them at the Han River, and she feels comfortable enough to take off her mask and hood, leaning backwards onto the bench.

Next to her, it looks like Seungcheol is the one deep in thought for the first time since they have met, and she cannot help but notice it. His lips are curled downwards as he swirls his beer can around. She lightly nudges him with her elbow, leaning closer to get a better look at his face.

“What’s wrong?” Never did she think a day would come where she was the one asking this instead of him.

The beer can comes closer to his lips as he takes a big sip, leaning backwards onto the bench afterwards which prompts her to do the same. 

“Just the same old, you know. We’re starting our world tour soon, and Wonwoo isn’t completely well yet, but you know how stubborn kids can be these days. He refuses to listen to me and insists on performing. Also, Seungkwan’s throat has been giving him troubles these days, but he still doesn’t go a day without practicing. And I think Myungho and Mingyu had a little fight again because they aren’t talking to one another for some reason, and when I ask either one, they don’t say a single thing. It’s frustrating.” 

Although she is very worried about his concerns, she can’t help but crack a smile because the tables have turned. However, she was hoping that he would be able to relax tonight. Even if it was just for the night. 

“Hey. I know. You know I know because you’ve been listening to my complaints for like three weeks now.” He chuckles at this, and her shoulders grow an inch or two in pride, knowing that she managed to make him smile. “Why are kids these days so stubborn? Would it kill for them to listen once in awhile?” 

“I can say the same about you, Sojung-ah.”

She opens her mouth to fight back when she realizes that he’s completely correct. She has been exactly like the others all this time with Seungcheol. And with Nayeon. And everybody else who had tried to assure her that everything will be fine even when she takes a break. Biting down on her bottom lip, her posture changes, her shoulders slouching and her head falling. 

“Yeah, you’re right,” she admits while a slight whine follows soon afterwards. “Why are you always right?” 

There’s a smug grin on his face as he laughs, reaching over to get a piece of hair off her face. “You’re just so easy to read. Which isn’t a bad thing, by the way. If you were difficult, I don’t think we would have gotten so close so quickly.”

Looking over at him, she stares at him straight in the eyes, a little touched at his sincerity. Her next move is a little bold but perhaps it’s the alcohol that’s acting up; she scoots closer and links her arm with his, leaning her head onto his shoulder. 

Ignoring the slight jump she can feel from him, she closes her eyes, a genuinely happy smile pasted onto her face. 

“Thanks for always being there, Seungcheol-ah.”

Suddenly, she feels fingers intertwining with her own, and her eyes open up, glancing down at the connected hands. 

“Thanks for needing me, Sojung-ah.”

 

\---------

 

Her life still does not get much easier. 

She is still dragged from one performance to another, even after Navillera promotions end. The success of their fourth album makes her happy, but it also means one more song to milk until the next one.

But now, she’s a little better at putting a smile on her face, a real one. One that screams Kim Sojung a bit more and not solely Gfriend’s leader Sowon. Her members have become more vocal with their support to her, and that’s all she really needs to boost her self-confidence. 

The car is dead silent as everybody is sleeping, and her manager has decided that he needed to use the bathroom. For some reason, she can’t seem to fall asleep though, and so she stares out the window, her head up against the headrest. 

There’s the sound of vibration, and she quickly reaches for her phone and looks back, hoping that none of the girls have been woken up. Looking down at her phone, a smile naturally forms on her face as she swipes the ‘accept’ button.

“Hello?”

“Hey, miss me?”

“Eh, maybe a little.”

“Oh, ouch. I’m hurt. I miss the days when you used to die for my calls.”

“Excuse me? I don’t remember that ever being the case. You always called me first.”

“True, but that’s just because I knew you were holding onto your phone in hopes that I would call you.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

Even though she can’t see his face, she can imagine his expression being similar to her own. The blush on her cheeks cannot be helped as she brings her legs up closer to her chest like a little girl.

“Are you still doubting yourself, Kim Sojung?”

“No, I’ve gotten better at believing in myself. Are Seungkwan and Hansol still fighting with one another?”

“No, that lasted like three hours, and then they were playing Overwatch together in the hotel room. Crazy.”

It amazes her how quickly his members seemed to get over an argument. Seungcheol would complain about it one day, and the next day it’d be solved. 

“Crazy. That’s just how life is.”

“Yeah, and it’s up to us to make everybody’s lives a little less crazy.” 

“No. It’s up to us to make _our_ lives a little less crazy.” 

“Looks like you finally learned.” 

The burden on her chest feels like it has minimized by the thousands, and she lets out a huge, deep breath, the smile on her face not leaving for a moment. 

“Guess I finally did.”

**Author's Note:**

> the original title of this fic was going to be 'i have stood on the shoulders of giants', but i decided that it was too long, and i didn't think as many people would understand it as well as the current one. the current title is quite straightforward, i believe!
> 
> while it does say sojung/seungcheol, this fic was written more with the mindset of trying to showcase the burden that many leaders have. written mostly in sojung's point of view (only because i was more familiar with gfriend than seventeen), i hope i did a nice job in getting readers to feel for her and perhaps relate to her at times when they felt like they had a lot on their shoulders, and that they were responsible for too much.
> 
> shout out to my amazing team members C and D who managed to withstand my whining and indecisiveness for this whole period and for always being there! thanks for dealing with such a incompetent team leader ;; and special shout out to A who helped me figure out how parts of this fic will go especially the ending!
> 
> congratulations to all the other fic writers that took part in infictions! i hope you all had as much fun as i did! and thank you to everybody who read this piece!


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